On my nightstand right now
Currently Reading
Currently reading
Come As You Are
Emily Nagoski, PhD
“The most important factor in women’s sexual wellbeing is not what you do or who you do it with, but how you feel about it.”
I keep coming back to this book because it does something rare — it translates rigorous sexual science into language that actually changes how people feel about themselves. The dual control model is something I now use constantly in practice.
Perfect for: Anyone curious about desire, stress, and the science of arousal.
My recommendations
All books on my list
Books that have influenced my practice, sparked meaningful conversations, and kept me up way too late.
Myth-Busting · Practical Tools
The New Male Sexuality
Bernie Zilbergeld
The reference text for dismantling what Zilbergeld calls the fantasy model of male sexuality, the idea that a man should always be ready, high-performing, and in control. It addresses premature ejaculation and erectile difficulties directly as system responses, not character flaws. A read that defuses shame before it even gets to technique.
Good for : Men who want to understand male sexual function beyond performance, a direct link to The Long Game.
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
Hold Me Tight
Sue Johnson
The foundational text of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). Johnson translates attachment theory into seven concrete conversations couples can use to break the pursue-withdraw cycle. Where Gottman gives you communication tools, Johnson explains why those tools fail once emotional distress takes over.
Good for : Couples who find themselves stuck in recurring conflicts and want to better understand their attachment needs in order to rebuild emotional safety, connection, and intimacy.
Sexocorporel Approach
Whole-Body Sex
Melissa Walker
A somatic approach to sexuality that maps the “erotic self” through body awareness rather than performance. Walker’s framework gives language to something many clients feel but can’t name — the disconnect between mind and body in their sexual experience. One of the few mainstream texts that takes the somatic lens seriously.
Good for : People who feel disconnected from their body or their own desire signals, and who want to relearn how to fully inhabit their erotic experience rather than just think about it.
Join the conversation
Have a book to suggest?
Reading is better when it’s shared. If you’ve read something that changed how you think about relationships, intimacy, or sexuality: I’d love to hear about it.
Or mention it during our next session.